simple things

Refreshment

2012-01-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

I love living in a city where I can walk to a park bordering a forest and feel like I'm not even in the city - especially when it's +10C in January! Yesterday I walked to Bowness Park and up the pathways behind it, and it was gorgeous! The sun shone through the trees, making them sparkle. Elderly couples were strolling in the park with their canes. Parents were teaching their kids to skate on the lagoon. The air smelled like pine trees. And all I needed was a light coat. Perfection.

Focus

2012-01-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

The photo of the day is "Eyes." I feel like my blog has been excessively fluffy lately, but all of the analogies I thought of with eyes were really cheesy.

While this one is cheesy, too, I'm going to talk about it anyway.

I started thinking about where my eyes have been focused, and to be honest, they're usually on myself - what do I want from life, what is making me happy/unhappy, how can I sleep better, who do I want to spend time with, etc... It's not bad to be conscious of myself and where I'm at in life, but it's a pretty narrow focus if that's all I'm thinking about.

I didn't have any profound ways to change the world. 10:00 is kind of when my brain shuts down most days (my brain must know that it's almost 30 ;) but I did start thinking of my sisters and their babies' ever-approaching entries into the world. There's not a lot I can do to help them out before the babies are here, but I am a decent crocheter, so I decided to work on a couple baby hats that I started a while ago. (They're pretty cute, if I say so myself, and I'm happy to help make the babies cute)

So, these eyes:

focused on this project:

And it's turning out quite nicely.

13 Things...sort of

2012-01-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

So, the photo o' the day is supposed to be me with 13 things. (OK, it was supposed to happen about a week and a half ago, but I don't think anyone really minds)

I didn't feel like taking a self-portrait, so I'm cheating a lot. Here is my sister and me painting her new house.

On the weekend, we painted for hours! It was a lot of work, and I didn't enjoy every minute of it, but it looks really good. (Amendment: I don't mean to say I hated it...most minutes were enjoyable; it was just a little much by the end)

Here are the 13 things. Well...only 10. I made soup and I had hoped there were 13 ingredients, but when I wrote it down, there were only 10.

one butternut squash

about four potatoes

one onion

three or four cloves of garlic

one pear

three cups of chicken stock

curry powder

ginger

salt

pepper

I'm not a big cook. I don't mind cooking, but usually the drudgery of clean-up seems to outweigh the joy of eating, especially when I'm cooking for one. Soup, however, is something I enjoy making and make well. After a weekend of painting, I hadn't made food in a while, and it seemed like it was time. So, this pot is going to work to be shared, and it will be delicious.

Winter Woes

2012-01-17T17:10:00.002-07:00

Last week was beautiful. It was warm and there was no snow and the sunrises were beautiful every day... Oh, the glory days!

Now it is freezing. So, so, so, so, so cold. Most of the time when my students complain about the weather I kind of roll my eyes, but I think this complaining is justified. It has been in the low -20s (plus windchill putting it closer to -40) for a couple days now, and it's not supposed to end (or at least take a break) until Saturday. Brrrrr. Hello, winter :(

I remember when I was in Ukraine, it got to about -15, and my friends there would complain. When they heard how cold it was in Canada, they would say, "Amy is the strong one." It made me chuckle.

Number

2012-01-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

One of my co-workers turned 30 today. A bunch of my friends are turning 30 this year, and my turn comes this April. I don't usually care about my age, but 30 somehow seems like a big one...maybe because I really don't feel 30. I don't think I ever really got used to 29, actually. I always have to stop and think of how old I actually am. I realized today that some people may prefer to keep their age a secret, not because they're ashamed of how old they are, but because the number doesn't really match how they feel or think of themselves.

THIRTY had some expectations in my mind that I didn't notice were there until I realized that they wouldn't be met by the time I was thirty.

But, it's coming whether I'm ready for it or not.

The photo of the day is "something blue." A little time on a beach would sure be a nice birthday gift...

Childhood Memories

2012-01-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

Today's pic o' the day is a childhood memory...and I have two to share.

This is probably my earliest memory. My dad was teaching us how to blow bubbles. He just used a cup of soapy water and twist ties formed into bubble blowers.

This memory is clearer since I was a little older. My sister and I went to the Storyland Valley Zoo (Edmonton) with my cousins. There weren't enough animals for all of us, so I had to share and I was really upset because I felt like Kelli kept hogging the bunny and all I got was the bum. There was a bit of a power struggle going on. And yet, the picture turned out so cute!

Love

2012-01-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not very good at this "Photo a Day" thing. A few days ago was supposed to be fruit, which isn't super exciting. Then was supposed to be a bad habit. Consider my lack of photo my bad habit.

The next day, however, is someone I love. I can't decide, so here's an abridged medley of photos of people I love:

FAMILY

(the originals and the imports)

FRIENDS

CHURCH FAMILY

MY UKRAINIAN KIDS

PRETTY MUCH ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THIS PLACE

Either I'm bubbling over with love or I'm really bad at being decisive...

Communion

2012-01-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

Some people at work were recently discussing how weird communion is. Really it was a whole conversation about Catholic mass, but it pinnacled with how cannibalistic it is to participate in eating flesh and drinking blood. I kind of tried to add my non-Catholic perspective, but I don't think I did a good job. Here's another attempt.

Communion has always been a rather sacred thing to me, although as I've grown in my faith, it's become more of a fantastic collision between the sacred and the commonplace. I mean, in the church today it's generally become a very serious and ceremonial part of worship, but originally it was the regular, every day occasion of eating together. There's something special about eating together.

Communion is a time to remember what Christ has done for us and to declare that he is coming back.

However, it is also a time to recognize the community that is the church (thinking large-scale church here). We are the body of Christ - many members, but somehow one. One loaf of bread and one glass of wine (or in our case juice) shared among us as we serve each other, as though we were caring for our own body. The symbolic body and blood of Christ in each of us, knitting us together. That's why, I think, it was such a big deal when in 1 Corinthians they get in trouble for some people eating privately, others getting drunk and others getting no food at all. That isn't what we've been called into. We're all a part of this, and communion is a time when we can show that, even with our differences, God makes us one. With all of our faults and oddities and weaknesses, we care for each other through the love, strength and gifts that God has given us.

Our culture is very individualistic. Independence is often the goal, and it can be hard to let go of or change that mindset. Independent can be a lonely place. But on Sunday during communion, God whispered to me, "You are a part of this" and it brought me great joy.

(Bowness from high and low angles)

Day 3&4/New Years Musings

2012-01-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year!

Yesterday was supposed to be a picture of clouds, which I do love to photograph, but there were no clouds yesterday. So, instead, here is a picture of New Years Eve stop #1: Russia vs Sweden. A hockey game with friends and then a party with more friends - it was a good end to a good year.

Today being January 1 has me thinking about the year gone by and the year to come. There were a lot of blessings - a new sister-in-law, the news that I'm going to be an auntie not once but twice in the year to come, new friendships, strengthened existing friendships, travel adventures, new apartment, good job with good co-workers, etc...

There were also hard times - losing my grandpa; grieving with family, friends, students and co-workers; etc... I think I'm learning how to be okay with tears. Thankfully, the blessings outweigh the hard times, and God has been faithful even when things haven't been easy.

Looking ahead, what do I want 2012 to hold? I'm not very good at making resolutions (although, according the resolution I received at the New Years Party, I need to break out of Alcatraz...perhaps a good excuse for a road trip). It's easier to look at the more frivolous aspects of life than those that might really need to change. For example, I enjoy having my own apartment, but I do get lonely, so what I should I do about it? My job is good, but I get itchy feet to do something or go somewhere new, so should I? And if so, what and where and for how long? Anyone want to make some life decisions for me?

In terms of the more frivolous, I think I shall drink more tea this year. And read more books. And write more. And maybe start to learn Spanish...

(photo challenge day 4 - something green)

So, good night and Happy New Year/Feliz Ano Nuevo/Bonne Annee/С Новым Годом, everyone.

And good luck with your New Years resolutions.

Photo Challenge: Day 2

2011-12-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

Today's picture, according to the list, is supposed to be what I wore today. Since my wardrobe is not very interesting, I've opted for a photograph of something that I tried on. Kari and I went to Canmore and had coffee, which was just as sublime as expected, and then we walked to the Tin Box where we found these ridiculous animal toques. They kind of creep me out, actually, but they make for pictures that are much more fun than me in my regular attire.

A Photo A Day

2011-12-29T20:23:00.000-07:00

Using Pinterest.com, I came across this:

I thought it might be a fun post-Christmas project, so without further ado, here is Day 1 - Self-Portrait:

I'm not a big exerciser, but after all the Christmas eating, I thought it would be a good idea to get outside. It was just a walk, but I like walking, and the weather has been glorious, so I was left without excuses. Also, I've developed a tendency to isolate myself in my basement apartment, so indulging in daylight is usually a wise decision.

Words

2011-12-03T13:30:00.001-07:00

My favourite quote:

Happy Things

2011-11-22T22:15:00.001-07:00

A small collection of photos from moments in my life that make me giggle every time I see them:

(friends laughing)

(invading people's romantic moments)

(Photo Booth)

(camp - the Oreo game)

(work - photo scavenger hunt - got to love vocabulary building!)

Hope

2011-11-20T21:26:00.001-07:00

Tonight at Awaken, we looked at the end of the book of Amos. After chapters and chapters (and in our case a number of weeks) of judgment and discipline, we finally had a glimpse of reconciliation and restoration.

Part of the service involved asking people what they saw as an example or symbol of hope. Some people remembered situations that brought them hope, like talking with their kids after a Remembrance Day ceremony. Some people looked outside, how spring comes after the winter, or how there's always a horizon that we can journey towards. Some sharing was serious and some was funny.

I thought of my kids in Ukraine. Some were orphans; some were abandoned; some had been removed from their homes by social services; others had been brought to the shelter, hopefully short term, while their parents or grandparents got their feet under them. Yet, these kids were so full of life. Many of them had experienced so much tragedy in their few years, and yet they were so joyful and trusting and loving. I think of all the reasons they have to be jaded and angry and bitter at God and everyone around them, and yet they are such amazing kids, and it brings me a lot of hope.

Just look at those smiles! And that wasn't just for the camera :)

I've been going to a Bible study of sorts that focuses on different types of meditative prayer. A few weeks ago, we did Prayers of Distress, based on Psalm 42-43. Our "homework" was to write a prayer of distress. It's not as polished as I wanted to make it, but here's mine:

God - eternal and loving parent -

where are you?

Where are your gentle words

and your loving embrace?

I look around and see children suffering -

sick and dying

hungry, thirsty

abandoned or orphaned.

I am shaken and confused.

People ask, "How can a loving God exist

in a world where the innocent suffer?"

and sometimes I ask the same question.

Come, Lord Jesus.

I ask you questions,

begging for an answer

but you are silent.

Why must you be silent?

I think back to days

where I knew your love

where I declared your love to others

where I saw you at work

in the lives of the innocent

where I heard a victim say with quiet certainty,

"God is good."

Even though I myself am not sure at this moment,

these recollections bring with them peace.

Come, Lord Jesus.

Step forward, Lord.

Not as a warrior or even a king.

But as a comfort

a provider

a stability

a peace

an advocate

for the little ones.

You are active and speaking still, though quietly.

I will hear you again.

I choose to trust

although I don't understand.

Come, Lord Jesus.

I'm not sure if this is just twisted, but I'm intrigued that the thing that sprang to mind in my distress was also my first thought regarding hope. I think God is in that.

Neglect

2011-11-18T22:19:00.001-07:00

Along with taking out the recycling, cleaning up after a weekend away and doing marking, I have (once again) neglected my blog. Sorry, blog.

I've started using Pinterest, and it's a great new time waster...but in a rather productive way. Because of Pinterest, I'm in the middle of some knitting, and I added to the art in my living room. I found some great journalling topics and a few handouts for use in my classroom. I have discovered some new recipes that may or may not result in new Christmas treats in my freezer. And I'm thinking about making my sister's birthday present for January... I hope she's OK with that :)

Here are a few of the things I've been pinning:

(print an image on a page from an old book or dictionary and frame it for some great art)

(they claim it's 30 min from beginning to end...and no kneading!)

(I want to go to this magical place! Apparently Ireland has more to see than rolling hills)

Move over, Facebook! There's a new procrastination site in my life now!

Problematic Peace Theology

2011-10-24T22:21:00.001-06:00

Generally speaking, I've been anti-war for my whole life. I grew up going to a Mennonite church, I worked at a Mennonite camp, and I went to a Mennonite Bible college. I'm a big fan of nonviolent intervention. This means that I haven't supported the so-called war on terrorism. I am horrified by the Taliban and what they have done, but when it comes to war, both sides commit atrocities. There has to be a better way of fighting injustice than to go in with guns in order to kill and maim.

I have had numerous students from Afghanistan, but today was the first day I had the nerve to ask one of them what he thought of the war. I thought he would have mixed feelings and probably some bitterness toward North America, at least for the accidental casualties, but his answer surprised me.

He was 100% in favour of the war.

He talked about the Taliban and how it was a small minority that had a lot of money and power. He told our class how the Taliban promoted inequality between men and women, rich and poor, and different sects of Muslims. He told us how, if a member of the Taliban came to your house, all you would dare say was "Yes, OK," even if this man was standing there with a gun telling you he was going to kill you.

He talked about how the current leader of Afghanistan is a US citizen, and I asked how he felt about that. Surprising me, he said that he thought it was great. He hated how the previous laws were so oppressive, and he was excited that the current ruler would promote "North America laws." Women could be educated. The people could choose their next leader. Citizens could speak freely without fear of being overheard.

His only real regret is that he doesn't have pictures or video footage of bin Laden being killed. It seemed as though that would bring him some peace of mind. Some proof to give him certainty.

I'm so happy that my students' families don't have to live in fear anymore.

I'm so glad that there is now more freedom and equality in Afghanistan.

I'm just not sure that a 10 year war was the best way to get it.

However, I'm not sure what I would propose as an alternative.

When injustice is staring you in the face and people are suffering and dying, what should you do?

Rest, Relaxation and Unexpected Recuperation

2011-10-21T20:45:00.002-06:00

Last week I was on vacation, which is always a lovely thing.

First, I went home for Thanksgiving. It was really good to see most of my family (missed you, Kerry and Mark!) and eat a delicious turkey dinner. Unfortunately, the moment I relaxed I got a really sore throat :( Nonetheless, it was great to be home for a few days.

On Monday, bright and early, I went to the airport. My flight was supposed to leave at 7:00. We were on our way, early even, trotting along to the runway when the plane starting making some really bad creaking/groaning noises. The flight attendants were looking at each other, and the passengers were looking at each other, and then the plane headed back to the gate. The captain came out and told us that the mechanics were going to replace the starter and we'd be back in the air in TWO HOURS. Boo.

We all disembarked, sat down, and then were told that they had found a new plane for us to use. The people rejoiced! We still left about an hour late, but it wasn't so bad. I got to Hamilton around 2:00, and then we headed to Owen Sound to have Thanksgiving with Meghan's parents and tour around her home town. It was so nice to see Meghan again and catch up with a good friend!

To make a long story short(er), it was a really nice time away from home and work and such. I was nursing a cold all week, and it rained a good chunk of the trip, but Meghan lent me her car while she was at work so I could tour around at my own pace. Highlights included:

1. A picnic on the beach in 29 degree weather.

2. Beautiful red maple leaves.

3. One failed and one successful attempt at viewing Niagara Falls.

4. An absolutely terrific used bookstore.

5. Wine tasting.

And now it's back to work. Same old, same old.

Innie-Outie

2011-09-25T23:20:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking about this post for a while, but my thoughts haven't been coming together the way I would have liked... All the same, here's the blog post about it:

I've been struck by how my inner life and my outer life are connected. This isn't a new idea, but one that has resurfaced this year. I've noticed many times how, when my inner life is in turmoil (especially when I'm spiritually lazy), my outer life (work, house-keeping, exercise) often follows suit.

Lately, I've been noticing how, when I get lazy or frustrated with my outer life, my inner life follows suit. An old observation, but in reverse. I've been staying inside too much, wasting time on things that have no substance, and growing slightly lazier with every passing day. If I look at it day by day, it's almost imperceptible, but it's been a trend for some time now. Bad habits are sneaky that way.

As my motivation and discipline in physical matters wanes, my discipline in spiritual and emotional matters gets lax as well, and this in turn affects relationships and effectiveness at work, etc.... It's a vicious cycle that I'm trying to break, slowly but surely.

Changing seasons always seems like a good time to effect personal change. There's kind of a natural rhythm to it all.

Picture Lessons

2011-09-09T18:06:00.000-06:00

The strangest thing happened to me on Tuesday.

I had a completely free evening.

I didn't need to do marking or lesson prep or grocery shopping or take out the recycling or anything. I would like to say I felt free and liberated, but I actually kind of felt stumped. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I call someone last minute? Would anyone be available? Should I find something useful to do, such as go through my storage bins or start making things for a Christmas sale? Should I just take the night off?

I had a few errands to run, so I took my camera with me and afterward went out to Nose Hill Park. I wandered around for a while, taking some random pictures, and then I climbed up a little hill to get a better view of the sunset. While I was there, I saw this little guy:

He wasn't moving at all, no matter how close I got, so I actually thought he might be dead at first...but then he flew away.

After the dragonfly flew away, I ran into this little guy... or girl... It was pretty windy, and she just kept climbing up the stalk of grass, all the way to the top.

I feel like there's an object lesson in here somewhere, but all I can come up with are cheesy cliches...

Wedding Bells

2011-09-05T14:12:00.000-06:00

My little brother got married on Saturday. It was a beautiful, sunny day - just perfect for an outdoor ceremony. It was small and personal (less than 100 people) and they were so happy!

Congratulations, Josh and Amy!

This is what rejuvenation looks like:

2011-08-23T17:33:00.001-06:00

I was craving a vacation, but had no time or money to do so, so I took an afternoon retreat. I drove out to Canmore and stopped on a little side road to take some pictures on the way there and the way back. It was lovely, although somewhat windy.

Mountains are therapeutic. I feel much better.

Around the Farm

2011-08-10T17:46:00.000-06:00

I was playing with my camera a little bit on the weekend:

Texture and Shadows

So much fruit!

Saskatoon berries as big as blueberries

Watch out for bees

Beginnings

2011-08-08T21:29:00.002-06:00

Beginnings can be great, like beginning to rent a new apartment or meeting new people and beginning new friendships.

Beginnings can also be really hard, like beginning a stage of life without a loved one.

My grandpa passed away this week, three months before his 85th birthday and shortly before his and my grandma's 60th wedding anniversary. Grandpa Regehr was a strong Christian man, so I don't have any worries or concerns about where he is or how he's doing. I'm sure God is taking good care of him. The hardest thing so far has been seeing my grandma. She's lost without him. My sister made a comment about Grandpa being in heaven, and Grandma's response was, "Yes, but he left me behind." It broke my heart. I'm too far away to visit regularly, but I think I need to make more of an effort.

A few things I remember about my grandpa:
1. Spying on us with binoculars to make sure we were behaving when we lived across the park from them.
2. Big hugs when we went to visit.
3. Saying "Come, Lord Jesus" before meals at their house.
4. Eating ketchup on everything (for real...even salad).
5. All of us grandkids growing up and spending a weekend at grandma and grandpa's every summer, complete with a trip to McDonald's.
6. Strong opinions and random comments.

I was blessed to know my grandpa for 29 years, and he will be dearly missed.

I Feel Happy of Myself!

2011-07-24T22:15:00.000-06:00

I've seen this before, and my friend Kathleen just posted this on her blog, but it's just too good not to repost.

Just keep practicing!

ESL

2011-07-23T09:45:00.000-06:00

I have a 16 year old Chinese student who tells me that he is 17 and his birthday is in 18 months. He may have ADD, but most of the time I think he just likes to get attention.

This week I've been worn out by a bad cold, and Dylan decided to be extra off-the-wall. On Monday and Tuesday he wouldn't sit still, and he was telling students to shut up and coming back from break 15 minutes late and talking back and being a general pain in the ass. My patience was wearing very thin.

On Wednesday, there was a marked change. He was listening during listening activities, giving correct answers and even staying on task for a good portion of the class. I was rather amazed and thanked him at the end of class for being a good student.

Then his afternoon teacher told me that Dylan had told him he had apologized to me. When asked for details, Dylan said, "No words. Good attitude!"

Apology accepted.

Effects of Stress

2011-07-22T17:59:00.002-06:00

It seems like everything happens at the same time.
I've been slack with keeping up with friends, and suddenly everyone is available to go for coffee. And since I love to catch up over coffee, it's easy to overbook myself.

My brother's getting married in about 6 weeks, so there was the shower last weekend and now I'm doing the slideshow. All exciting things!

I'm busy, so naturally I've come down with a persistent and energy-deflating cold.

There's always prep and marking to do for work.

To top it off, I'm moving in a week and I haven't started packing yet. Eep! Plus we're trying to keep the apartment clean because our landlord has been showing it to lots of people.

I know in a week and a half, my life will be back to it's usual (blessedly) slow pace, but for now it's a little stressful. And when I'm stressed, I get grouchy. I've been impatient with my students and angry at bad drivers and judgmental of just about everyone.

Sorry, everyone.

I'm not sure I can express this properly, but I think God has been convicting me of my crankiness and reminding me that every person is made in the image of God. It's too easy to curse at people from the privacy of my car (Although lately I've remembered a couple times...a few minutes too late...that my windows were open. Again, sorry if you were on the receiving end.) or judge people for not doing the things the way I would or as quickly as I want them to, etc, etc. Lately, after I grouch at someone, the words "image of God" pop into my mind.

Hopefully the words will start to be engrained in my mind before the thoughtless words escape my lips.

More Happy Thoughts

2011-07-07T22:09:00.000-06:00

Some things that have made me happy lately:

1. Volunteering at camp - I got to connect with the staff, meet kids and parents, and hang out with a 3 year old named Zander (Xander?). Oh, and tell lots of stories. That's always the recipe for good times.

2. Teaching the students to play baseball - Hilarious. Especially Amir who decided that every time he was up to bat, he would just run all the bases and lap every one of his teammates.

3. Random encounters - I was walking to my car after work one day, and I ran into Paul Beriault at the Sunnyside-Hillhurst Farmer's Market. I haven't seen Paul in ages, and it made me really happy. (Beriaults in general make me happy...they're almost as great as the Goerzens) Paul + Farmer's Market = Happy

4. Roommate fun times - Our house is a death trap when it's hot. Meera and I were near dead today when we realized that we could walk out the door and save ourselves. We got slurpies and walked to the river to cool our feet, and then on the way home a cyclist passed and laughed at us for airing out our pits. It was good times all around. (note: pic was pre-river exploration)

5. Flowers - My tomato plant started growing moss or fungus or something, so I stopped watering it for a while, and now I think it's dead. To make up for one dead plant, I prettied up my house with some flowers. They're lovely, and they provide me with subject matter for photographs.

6. Kids - Besides the kids at camp, there have been other fun times with little kids. I was in Starbucks having coffee with some friends, and a little boy decided to come over and play with his toy airplane around our heads, demonstrating how it didn't have guns but it did have drills on the front. My favourite, though, are Shaun and Sharla's kids. Last week they were especially affectionate, and they make me proud to be Auntie Amy :)

Kingdom Teaching

2011-07-04T19:35:00.001-06:00

Our church uses the phrase "kingdom living" from time to time, and last week at church, Luke decided to unpack that a bit. I'm probably going to twist it up a bit, but what I took away was that your kingdom is essentially the place or sphere of influence where your will is done. This can be a physical location, such as home or work, or it can be wherever you are and how you choose to react to people and situations.

So, when we pray the Lord's prayer - Your kingdom come, your will be done - we are giving our kingdoms over to God.

I'm a teacher, and my classroom is essentially my kingdom (or at least one of them). I decide what rules I enforce, what tone I want set in my room, who is allowed to work with whom, where they can sit, and even what they talk about to a large extent. My students are adults and they often don't listen to me, but then it's my choice what kind of action I take. (I'm a pretty lenient "ruler" of this kingdom)

Very seldom do I consciously give my kingdom over to the rule of God. I worry about things and I complain about students who don't do what they should and I make plans based on what I think will work. How would my classroom change if I gave it over to God, the master teacher himself?

Happy Days

2011-06-25T11:40:00.000-06:00

Here's a lovely song for a lovely day:

Flowers and Poetry

2011-06-24T20:27:00.003-06:00

My friend Krista recently posted The Lilac Poem on her blog. It inspired me to pull out my favourite flower poem - Цветок (Flower) by Pushkin:

Цветок засохший, безуханный, A dried out flower without fragrance,
Забытый в книге вижу я; Forgotten in a book I see;
И вот уже мечтою странной My soul's somehow already racing
Душа наполнилась моя: And fills with a strange reverie:
Где цвел? когда? какой весною? Where did it bloom? In which spring? When?
И долго ль цвел? и сорван кем, Did it bloom long? Who picked it then?
Чужой, знакомой ли рукою? By stranger's hand or by a friend?
И положен сюда зачем? Who put it here and to what end?
На память нежного ль свиданья, In memory of tender trysting,
Или разлуки роковой, Or else of fateful parting day?
Иль одинокого гулянья Or else perhaps a lone walk, wistful,
В тиши полей, в тени лесной? In silent fields and wood shade?
И жив ли тот, и та жива ли? Do he and she still live, I wonder?
И нынче где их уголок? And where now is their little nook?
Или уже они увяли, Or have they faded, lost their luster,
Как сей неведомый цветок? Like this small flower in this book?

(translation from http://alexanderpushkin.com/content/view/89/36/)

Appreciation

2011-06-17T21:00:00.000-06:00

My garden is growing! The peas, onions, potatoes, carrots, beets and squash have all (I think) sprouted, and there's a tomato growing on my deck already :) This is very exciting.

After checking on my garden this evening, I picked a few lilacs and went home.

This is that great time of year where it's starting to get summery, and things get busy with park days, weekend trips and softball. However, I still have time to bake (I just bought some rhubarb at the Farmer's Market...treats to follow) and read and knit, but I can do it with my windows open or on my deck in the fresh air (well, not the baking).

The rain's been getting me down a bit, but now that it's sunny and I checked on my garden, I'm feeling optimistic again :)

The smell of the lilacs helps, too!

Saturday Mornings

2011-06-04T09:59:00.000-06:00

If I couldn't live in a house, I think I would live in a coffee shop.

I wouldn't work at this coffee shop, but I think I could happily spend a lot of time there.

When I need to do lesson planning but I'm feeling unmotivated, I go to a coffee shop. When I want to catch up with friends, I meet them at a coffee shop. When I have free time with nothing to do and a couple bucks in my pocket, I take a book to a coffee shop.

Currently, I'm at Good Earth in Crowfoot and it's mostly empty. Apparently people don't like getting up before 10 am on a rainy Saturday to have coffee, which makes it perfect for me to do lesson planning! (and, apparently, blogging)

The only problem is that there are some interesting people of various ethnicities, which also makes it perfect for me to do some people watching. People are fascinating. I think it's one of the reasons I love my job.

Anyway, I highly recommend Good Earth: it has a nice atmosphere, it's environmentally conscious, it sells fair/direct trade coffee, and the food is delicious! It's a small chain located mostly in Alberta, but that just means the rest of you are missing out :)

ESL

2011-05-31T20:33:00.000-06:00

Using new vocabulary in sentences, one of my students wrote "In Germany cucumbers are sinister."

Does anyone know if this is true or if my student is just confused about the vocabulary?

Rebel

2011-05-30T20:47:00.000-06:00

I bought a new camera with part of my tax return. Now I'm taking pictures of mundane things around my home and convincing myself that the new camera makes them look fancy :) Allow me to entertain (or bore) you with a few of my latest creations:

delicious summer dinner

community garden

possibly grass...but hopefully something edible!

spring flowers

and sunbursts

High-Tech/Low-Tech

2011-05-26T21:07:00.000-06:00

It's been raining like crazy! So what did I do?

Planted lettuce, of course :) (If it's not sunny enough, or it drowns, I can always plant some more)

I went to Canadian Tire and bought a balcony planter and a tomato plant. One corner of my balcony is refreshingly garden-like!

The rest of the evening was spent watching So You Think You Can Dance and playing with my new toy.

Long Weekend

2011-05-23T19:18:00.000-06:00

It rains every May long, so it was no surprise when everyone forecasted rain for Fri-Mon. However, we had a lovely surprise when it didn't rain! It was beautiful for most of the weekend!

It was great to relax and spend time with family and friends.

My mom, sister and future sister-in-law came to Calgary to join me and Erin for a girls' weekend. We had mani/pedis, talked about wedding plans, explored Inglewood in the rain and enjoyed each other's company.

It was a good weekend, and now that it's raining, going back to work tomorrow doesn't seem like such a sacrifice.

Mixed Bag

2011-05-10T21:59:00.001-06:00

Today was a beautiful, sunny day. I even wore a sleeveless shirt when I went for a walk!

I have some rather delightful students, and my troublemakers were all absent today but for two.

On Sunday, I was encouraged by multiple people in multiple ways, and it reminded me how much I value my community.

This evening, I was at an adult Bible study of sorts, and it was a great time to hear people's perspectives, hear some hard questions, and dialogue about what we believe and why.

My co-workers are wonderful people who support me immensely and really like me, too (and I like them).

I got to eat a DQ Blizzard, a lemon tart and a few mini cheesecake things, all of which were delicious. (Let's not think of the health problems I am developing due to bad eating habits)

The living room looks great with the new couch and Meera's lamp and bookshelves:

I only have to wait until Thursday to have my toilet fixed so it stops leaking all over the floor.

AND I had a really nice talk on the phone with my mom.

Unfortunately, I will not be going to Russia this summer :( Apparently a 40 year old man with a Master's degree and more experience than me is better qualified for the position.

Counting my blessings o' the day(ish) helps to soften the disappointment a little...but only a little.

Super Random Neighbourly Encounter

2011-05-09T19:18:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Meera and I were sitting at home chatting when we heard the guys downstairs trying to move a couch into their apartment. There was a lot of moaning...and groaning...and bumping into walls...and creaking as the couch got wedged in the doorway.

Then silence.

Then a knock on our door.

There was one of the downstairs neighbours, visiting us to ask if we had a loveseat. I said no, but I had a futon. He seemed satisfied with that and asked if we wanted to trade our futon for their couch, since theirs was (after a solid half hour of pushing and shoving and twisting and turning) obviously too big to fit into the downstairs apartment.

Meera suggested checking Kijiji or something to see if someone wanted to trade, but he seemed to think that was the craziest idea he had ever heard. Apparently asking your upstairs neighbours whom you've talked with twice and don't really know to trade was a natural thought.

I showed him the futon, including the broken bars, but he would not be deterred.

So we traded.

After another half hour of moaning and groaning and bumping and creaking and pushing and shoving and twisting and turning (and lots and lots of laughter from me and Meera), the couch was in our living room.

A little while later the futon was downstairs, and I think everyone might be happy now.

If you come to visit, you can check out our rather worn in but very comfortable black leather couch.

And if you're staying for the night, don't worry. The couch is nice and long, or if you'd rather, I have an air mattress you can try out.

Win win.

Travel Bug #2

2011-05-04T22:25:00.000-06:00

I had a casual Sykpe interview/chat with a friend in charge of my volunteer opportunity. I'm really excited and hope it works out! I'll find out late tomorrow or early the next day, I think.

For those that I haven't already told about it, here is (creepy-enough-that-I-have-to-see-it-in-real-life) photo hint #2:

Exceptionally Long Quote O' the Day

2011-05-01T16:13:00.000-06:00

A page from Love Wins by Rob Bell:

"Many people in our world have only ever heard hell talked about as the place reserved for those who are "out," who don't believe, who haven't 'joined the church.' Christians talking about people who aren't Christians going to hell when they die because they aren't...Christians. People who don't believe the right things.

But in reading all of the passages in which Jesus uses the word 'hell,' what is so striking is that people believing the right or wrong things isn't his point. He's often not talking about 'beliefs' as we think of them - he's talking about anger and lust and indifference. He's talking about the state of his listeners' hearts, about how they conduct themselves, how they interact with their neighbors, about the kind of effect they have on the world.

Jesus did not use hell to try and compel 'heathens' and 'pagans' to believe in God, so they wouldn't burn when they die. He talked about hell to very religious people to warn them about the consequences of straying from their God-given calling and identity to show the world God's love.

This is not to say that hell is not a pointed, urgent warning or that it isn't intimately connected with what we actually do believe, but simply to point out that Jesus talked about hell to the people who considered themselves 'in,' warning them that their hard hearts were putting their 'in-ness' at risk, reminding them that whatever 'chosen-ness' or 'election' meant, whatever special standing they believed they had with God was always, only, ever about their being the kind of transformed, generous, loving people through whom God could show the world what God's love looks like in flesh and blood."

Travel Bug

2011-04-29T16:45:00.001-06:00

I might be volunteering as an ESL teacher and then doing a little touristing at the end of June. I'm excited already, and it's not even a sure thing!

Here's a hint to where I could be going:

Weekend Wednesday?

2011-04-27T21:46:00.000-06:00

Today was a lovely day! Work was alright. I got my marking done. The weather was nice for almost the whole day. AND I got to hang out with friends in the evening.

I went on my first bike ride of the year and learned two things:
1. I am in really bad shape.
2. My bike needs a serious tune up. I may have to swing by Life Cycle on Friday.

It was also our last official small group gathering of the year. We went to Bowness Park and let the kids run around and play. The wind was cold, but we had fun.

On my way home, I stopped in at the Cripps home and had a great chat with Leanne and told some jokes with Hannah and Lily. I miss living with them, and I don't pop in nearly enough!

It's nice to have weekdays that feel almost like weekends.

Refreshed

2011-04-25T22:00:00.000-06:00

I had a great weekend.
My birthday was last week, and one of the teachers told me to prepare for a day of ridicule and humiliation. I was rather worried, because another co-worker's birthday was made less than enjoyable by unending pranks. However, I had a nice day and was treated well by both students and coworkers. Due to miscommunication, I ended up with THREE birthday cakes! By evening, I was ready for a real dinner with no icing, and I had a lovely time with three great friends at Una Pizza + Wine. On our way in, Bernard Callebaut gave us chocolate business cards for Papa Chocolat. They were delicious and a great accompaniment to the wine!

The next day I headed to Tofield for Easter. I saw almost the whole family, received some presents, ate ANOTHER birthday cake (the most delicious), hunted for baskets of Easter candy, reflected on the meaning of Easter and had a Harry Potter marathon. It was lovely and mostly relaxing.

This morning I took my mom out for brunch in Edmonton, and then I drove back to Calgary. Today was slightly less relaxing since I had to catch up on marking and lesson plans, but it all got done in the end.

Unfortunately, I took no pictures at all, so here is one from last Easter in Cuba. He is risen!

An Attempt

2011-04-18T21:37:00.000-06:00

Today was rough. Since I can't seem to put my ideas together coherently, here they are incoherently under the guise of poetry.

words for today:

messy and full. too full.

words spoken. harsh? perhaps

discouragement

hope

hesitant to hope

frustrations

missed glimmers of sunshine

certainly existed, but unseen

unappreciated

frozen in the unending snow

muffled in the stillness

shrouded in the upheavals of everyday living

already exhausted by tomorrow

but grateful for the coming sunrise

the new day

the new beginning

praying it will not be

just another day

like today

Thoughts about Eternity

2011-04-15T17:53:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about heaven and hell lately. It's not something I think about often, mostly because I've never really worried about it. God is good, and I follow God because God is good - good to me and good to the world, even though we don't deserve it - not because I'm afraid of being damned to suffer in a lake of eternal fire.

I just finished reading the Chronicles of Narnia, and C.S. Lewis presents a great view of heaven and who will be there. There is Biblical truth to the perspective he provides, but it's not the traditional Christian model.

Recently, I saw this clip:

And then on Wed someone asked me if I thought he was going to hell because he didn't call himself a Christian.

I didn't know what to say because I don't think it's just a matter of accepting the label/identity of "Christian." So I said that I can't judge people because I don't know their hearts, but I believe Jesus will call his children to be with him after they die. Then I just listened to what he had to say.

Most of the people I know who have died were Christians, so heaven and hell haven't been much of an issue for me. For the last few years, however, I have been thinking a lot about the character of God. I believe God is good. I believe God is love. I believe Jesus came to teach us and ultimately to demonstrate unfathomable love and grace by bringing us near to God through his death on the cross. Our despair and our slavery to sin and our reliance on violence and countless other chains were and continue to be broken by the work of Christ on the cross.

How does that affect theology about heaven and hell? What does this view of the character of God mean for life after this life?

I'm still seeking truth and coming to conclusions.

But...
I feel confident that to whoever kneels before him, Jesus will be able to say in full confidence, "Yes, my blood covers even you."

Vapor

2011-04-10T21:43:00.001-06:00

Lately I've been listening to some podcasts from Mars Hill Church. I'm listening to the sermons about the book of Ecclesiastes. One of their main points that is oft repeated is that "meaningless" is a poor translation throughout the book. The word in the Hebrew actually means "vapor."

Vapor isn't necessarily meaningless, but it is temporary.

Shane Hipps goes on to say that things that are temporary are not valued less; they are valued more.

He uses the example of children. Just because your children won't always be babies doesn't mean you don't care about that stage of their lives. It means that you take videos and pictures, and you try to remember every moment (well, I suppose at least the good ones...and probably the embarrassing ones to use against them later) because this time is fleeting. The temporal aspect makes it precious to you.

The writer of Ecclesiastes, then, isn't saying that life has no value or purpose, but that it's temporary and we should value it while we can.

Then I went for a walk around Bowness, and I went to Awaken. Tomorrow I'll go to a job that I usually like a lot with people that I love.

Sometimes I wish I was somewhere like this:

But right now, I'm here:

I don't really know how permanent or temporary it will be, but it's where I am, I think it's where God wants me to be, and I should value it more.

Lovely Day

2011-04-09T18:05:00.000-06:00

I think it might be spring.

It's about 7 degrees above zero.

The snow is melting.

Most importantly, there were six robins eating worms in my grass and eight sparrows having a bath in the puddle by my car this morning!

Part Two:
I put my blogging on hold and went to see The Crucible with Sharla. The play was intense and fantastic (shout out to Helen Knight for being amazing!) - we laughed, Sharla cried, good times were had by all. (Except we had time before the play, so we went to Tim Horton's, and I had to hurry and got frazzled and threw out my cup without rolling up the rim! Alas! It was probably one of the cars. Later, Sharla pulled a cup that she thought was mine out of the garbage, but it wasn't actually my cup because someone had already rolled up the rim. I hope she doesn't get a mysterious disease from an unknown person's germs.)

Sharla and I don't get to go for coffee much anymore, so it was great to hang out with her. Good conversation with a good friend.

On the way home, we pulled up next to a guy who was on oxygen but had his window cracked open while he smoked. Nice work, Bownesian.

Slowing Down

2011-04-08T17:02:00.001-06:00

I was really grouchy this week. Really grouchy. I'm not sure why, but I recognized it and tried to keep my mouth shut more often than I normally do. (I'm not sure if I was successful or not) No sense in infecting others.

When I got home from work, I would always think of things I should do - dishes, laundry, prayer, exercise, call/email friends and family far away... The list was (and is) always endless.

And yet, I could rarely summon the motivation to do any of it.

So, instead, I took time for myself. Every evening I made tea and read The Chronicles of Narnia. I didn't necessarily read a lot (I'm only in the middle of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader), but I allowed myself to slow down and not worry too much about what I "should" be doing. I'm still kind of weary, but I can feel it passing.

It's like I had a serious head cold in my spirit and I've let it run its course and now I'm beginning to perk up again, which is good because I much prefer to be happy.

Random addition - Last night I dreamed that my sister Kerry and I went skating, and when we got home, my dad sent us out to chase some chickens into the barn. One of the chickens had a handle on its back like a kettle, so I just had to grab it and toss it in the barn. Another was singing songs from Dirty Dancing...like this, but with chickens and less dancing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpmILPAcRQo&feature=fvwrel

Mmmmmm

2011-04-06T21:21:00.000-06:00

I may not be inspired in my blogging, but I was inspired in my dinner-making.

I made Eggs Benedict for the first time today. Delicious! Not perfect, but pretty tasty if I say so myself. Also, I didn't have English muffins, so I used cheese bread. Not the healthiest alternative, but super yummy! The asparagus is healthy enough to make up for it, right?

On a totally different topic, one of my bosses just returned from vacation in Australia and she brought us back boomerangs. While they say "hand-crafted" on the label, we took them out of the package and they have "Made in China" stickers on the back.

Slump

2011-04-04T18:29:00.000-06:00

I've been feeling rather uninspired to blog lately. Maybe it's the post-holiday lull.

Here is a collage of things that made me happy during my week off:

Everlasting Winter

2011-04-02T13:45:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and I'm beginning to suspect that the White Witch has made herself queen of Calgary. I could have sworn it was spring on Thursday. Now there are two feet of snow on top of my car!

Crazy business.

As much as I would like to go out and see friends, it might be a stay home and drink coffee kind of day.

Old Things

2011-03-31T15:20:00.000-06:00

On Tuesday, I spent some time exploring antique shops in Fort Langley. If I had a big house and lots of money, I think I might fill it with antiques and fun things from flea markets. Or maybe my big house would remain empty because I wouldn't be able to choose what to buy.

Actually, that's not entirely true.

I would definiely have a library, and it would definitely be full of books like these, only without the price tags.

Short and Sweet

2011-03-30T23:10:00.000-06:00

I'm home from my quick vacation to BC. It was lovely. A little bit of family, a little bit of friends and a little bit of alone time. A little bit of rain, a little bit of sun. Lots of clouds, but at all times temperatures above zero. No snow! And no work or work-related things, which was just lovely.

One quick picture before I go to bed:

Part of the vacation was spent reading C.S. Lewis and drinking coffee in Wendel's Bookstore and Cafe after exploring Fort Langley. It doesn't get much better than that.

Blue Skies

2011-03-25T22:30:00.000-06:00

I'm heading for BC to visit my sister and brother-in-law for a few days. I think it's supposed to be rainy the whole time I'm there, but I prefer warm and rainy to cold and snowy in March.

So, here's hoping for blue skies!

Courage and Freedom (aka Picture #8)

2011-03-24T16:48:00.000-06:00

Spring break has begun! Woohoo! I'm free for a whole week!

I've been thinking a little bit about freedom lately. I was at a Lenten reflection evening at the FCJ Centre a couple days ago, and we did a lectio divina of Mark 10. It's the story of Blind Bartimeus calling out to Jesus. Jesus responds and restores his sight.

When Jesus hears his calls for pity and tells his disciples to bring Bartimeus over, the NIV translates their message as, "Cheer up." Other translations use "Courage!" and it is that word that stood out to me the most. Bartimeus throws off his cloak and jumps up. A blind man, jumping up! There's courage already. And Bartimeus is courageous enough to ask Jesus for what he really wants, believing that it will be granted.

I need to make more courageous requests of God. I tend toward safe prayers, and safety can be a kind of captivity in itself. It feels nice most of the time, but you can't really go anywhere.

This picture is from Global Fest last year, and it is here to represent courage and freedom. Once fireworks have been set off, there's no stopping them. Let's pray boldly, believing in a God that can (and will) still restore sight, feed the hungry, free the captives and heal the sick.

Snack Time (aka Picture #7)

2011-03-23T17:57:00.000-06:00

Cloudy, cool, snowy... It appears that today is a cookie-baking kind of day. (My friend Krista would agree with me)

I was going to make haystack cookies too (the no-bake kind, with coconut and oats), but I'm out of coconut, so I guess I'm not bringing anything to potluck tomorrow. Oops!

However, I will have cookies AND tea to offer Sharla and Eyk when they come over :) And I'll have cookies for the road trip out to BC on Saturday. Yummmm. I might even share with my neighbours.

Super Sleuths (aka Picture #6)

2011-03-22T22:31:00.001-06:00

When I was a kid, I read a lot of Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books. I always wished that some crazy mystery would happen in Tofield so I could be like Nancy Drew and help solve it.

Not surprisingly, that never happened.

Right now at work, there are a few students that are really, really hard to understand. They have really thick accents, limited vocabulary, and really weak grammar skills. Talking to them basically equals breaking a secret code. For example (not embellished; in fact, probably under-embellished):

Student (rather worked up): Daughter...today...go...I...baby...hospital... pregnant...half an hour
Teachers: Your daughter is pregnant and went to the hospital half an hour ago to have her baby?
Student: Yes...pregnant...daughter...go...I...to sit...she call...hospital...
Teachers: Your daughter called because she's in the hospital having a baby, and you need to go be with her?
Student: Yes! Today...with her...to sit...I go...stop...tomorrow....Thursday...
Teachers: Today you're going to the hospital. Tomorrow you are not coming to school, but you will come on Thursday?
Student: Yes! I can go?
Teachers: Of course you can go!

Basically we're super sleuths like Nancy Drew (x3) and the Hardy Boys. They were always a winning team.

Hope (aka Picture #5)

2011-03-20T21:27:00.000-06:00

There's a lot of pain and brokenness in the world. I know that's a rather obvious statement, but I've been noticing it a lot lately in the world at large, in my own life, and in the lives of people I love. It makes me feel very heavy-hearted.

The picture o' the day is flowers.

Right now it's winter, but spring will come.

Right now there is pain, but God will bring peace and justice and renewal.

Flowers bring me hope.

Encouragement

2011-03-19T19:46:00.000-06:00

No picture today, just some thoughts.

I was talking to my mom today, and she was telling me about what's been going on at Tofield Mennonite Church. I grew up going to this church, and while it shaped me in some ways, it's never been a place where I wanted to return. To be honest, I thought it was slowly dying out.

There's a new pastor now, and people are coming back to the church. Not just seniors. Kids I grew up with who basically walked away from the church have come back.

God is breathing new life into old bones.

Just Me (aka Picture #4)

2011-03-18T18:32:00.000-06:00

As mentioned before, I'm reading The Happiness Project.

Most recently, I've been reading about how the author discovered how to have fun again. A lot of things she wanted to like, she just didn't. Part of her happiness project was to come to a place where she was okay with the fact that she would never go to jazz clubs at midnight or enjoy doing crossword puzzles.

I find that in myself a lot. I know who I want to be, and it doesn't always fit with who I am. For example, I want to love dancing. I see people dance and it looks so fun and uninhibited. I like other fun and uninhibited things, but dancing just doesn't fit. I've tried dancing.
And I'm very bad at it.
I may not be as bad as I think, but I really just don't like doing it. I thought if I faked liking dancing, I actually would start liking it, but it didn't turn out that way. I'm willing to go with friends for their birthdays or whatnot, but I would never ever ever choose to go out dancing. Not my thing.

I also want to love running. I have come to a place where it's somewhat enjoyable as long as I can do it outside and on a semi-regular basis, but I will never be a natural runner.

The list could go on. I see things that other people are great at, and I want to share their passion. But it isn't my passion.

I need to develop the things I love and make time for them. I need to be me.

So, my picture today is me.

Just me.

Lovely Ladies (aka Picture #3)

2011-03-17T20:19:00.000-06:00

I love these girls!

It doesn't matter if we're at camp, at the rodeo, in Palm Springs, or just hanging out in someone's living room. We always have a good time. Always.

Hopefully we'll get to New York some day!

Prairie Sky (aka Picture #2)

2011-03-16T16:46:00.000-06:00

I love the prairie sky - the clouds, the sunrises and sunsets, the stars at night. Gorgeous.

Pictures don't come close to doing it justice.

Themes

2011-03-15T17:35:00.000-06:00

I'm reading The Happiness Project, and I like it a lot. It has already inspired me to get more organized and to try complaining less. I haven't succeeded all that well so far in the complaining depot, but I have made other small changes like flossing my teeth every day and doing dishes more often.

One thing that I read is that, apparently, blogs should have themes. My blog started out as a place to share random occurrences, but then they kind of seemed to stop, and so it turned into random thoughts.

(I have had a few random things happen lately. For instance, on Friday I was at the Pig 'n' Pint in Bowness and a woman started talking to me in the bathroom. First it was complaining about the size of the bathroom, then complimenting my glasses, and then telling me the story of her coat. When I excused myself to rejoin my table, she was still talking. I think drugs may have been involved.

Also, I was at Safeway buying groceries and thought I would treat myself to some flowers [10 purple chrysanthemums]. I was at the self checkout, and they rang up as $69.99! I quickly voided the entry. When the cashier came over to help, she tried three times to fix it, all the while assuring me they should be no more than $7, but to no avail :( So it was just a long delay with no flowers to enjoy at the end.)

Anyway, I've decided to provide a temporary theme by posting pictures with info about me or stories from my life in the next 30 or so blogs. Some people I know have done this on Facebook, and I will scam their idea, but alter the daily theme. It's supposed to be a picture a day, but that probably won't happen.

Here is picture #1:

This is Reggie. On Fridays, I work at FAME doing data entry, and Reggie hangs around. Usually he puts his head on my lap until I pet him, but I guess he was tired and he decided to take a nap. Reggie drools in his sleep. I'm so glad he decided to use my shoe as his pillow.

Lent, Prayer and Other Such Things

2011-03-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

I've given up TV for Lent, which means that I have quite a lot of time on my hands. While part of that time is being spent reorganizing my room, reading and preparing solid lesson plans, I'm trying to spend more time in prayer.

Switch gears and let me talk about work for a moment. I have a student who is causing me a lot of grief. He is loud and obnoxious and rude and sexist and vulgar. He refuses to learn and keeps others from learning. And he tries to get me in trouble at work and it's making me very angry.

Back to prayer. Every time I start talking with God, God nudges me with a reminder of this awful, pig-headed student. I know you're supposed to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, but I feel like Job: I know that if I pray for this guy, God will in all likelihood change him for the better, and I just want bad things to happen to him (nothing gruesome or painful; just for him to get kicked out of school, mostly).

I know I need to adjust my attitude since I don't want to end up in the belly of a whale. Plus there's the whole love aspect. God has forgiven me for so much, and he loves me in spite of my faults, so I should do the same.

I know this...

But for now I just want to be stubborn.

ESL Highlights #3

2011-02-26T17:50:00.001-07:00

One of my students (we shall call her Student A) became a Canadian citizen last Friday. (Congratulations, Student A!) Her first day back to school went something like this:
Student A: ~giant belch in the middle of class~
Student B: Say, "Excuse me!" You're Canadian now!

Other gems from Student B include:
- response to Valentine's Day activities "I'm single. Can I go home now?"

- response to homework after a cold weekend "I couldn't do it. It was too cold outside."
- response to homework after a hot weekend "I couldn't do it. It was too hot outside."
- response to homework after an average weekend "I couldn't do it. I had to take my mom to the temple."
You see the theme.

Thoughts on Love

2011-02-13T11:55:00.001-07:00

Last night some friends threw a Valentine's party for the singles at Awaken. While it was a thinly veiled attempt at pairing us off (nice try, Dyers ;), I appreciated that they didn't have mandatory speed dating. I also appreciated some of the conversations that came up.

Jeff and Kristy had come up with a bunch of questions to spur conversation. By the end of the night, we were sitting in a big circle discussing things such as:
- Other than "hot," what is the most important trait you are looking for in a partner?
- What is your earliest childhood memory?
- What is your best injury story?
- Etc.

One of the questions that made me think was "What would you change?" Jeff left it that open - past, present, future; in yourself, the world, someone else.

I think I want to help change people's attitude toward love - my own attitude first. I have often heard the phrase, "Love the sinner; hate the sin." I understand the concept, but I'm not sure it's possible. The focus moves from love to hatred. Hatred of the sin instead of love for the person. And if not hatred, at the very least, love for the person, but with limits.

The example that springs to mind is homosexuality. I grew up in a conservative Christian church, and homosexuality was clearly labeled "sin." I think this is where hating the sin was most often applied. Now that I'm older (and hopefully a little wiser), I have trouble separating a person's sexuality from the person him/herself. If someone said they loved me, but they hated the part of me that was attracted to men and wanted to be married and have kids some day, I don't think they would really be loving me. My sexuality is a part of who I am. It not only affects how I act in many situations and what I often think about, but it also shapes my hopes and dreams for the future.

I don't want to hate parts of people. I don't want to judge their hopes and dreams. I don't want to be afraid of the things I don't understand. And I don't want to treat love like a commodity that can be withheld until I deem people worthy of it. I don't want to say, "I love you, but..."

I'm not saying that sin doesn't exist, but I think the Holy Spirit will bring conviction where conviction is needed. I can be there to support my community and hold them accountable, but I can't hate anyone into changing.

Henri Nouwen said, "God's house is a house of abundance, not scarcity."

I just want to love - love God and love my neighbour - and love abundantly.

InSite

2011-02-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Meera worked in Vancouver at InSite, the only safe injection site in North America, for a year. The Conservative government is trying to get jurisdiction over InSite so they can shut it down. (On a side note, the case is going before the Canadian Supreme Court in May, so everyone should write their MPs) Tonight Meera was a guest speaker at Ambrose University College, helping people understand what InSite really is and telling stories of people who use the facility.

A few things Meera said stuck with me, although I guess it's the spirit of them and not the words themselves, so there are no direct quotes. (I'm sure she'll correct me if I misinterpret :)

A misconception is that InSite is somehow using tax payer money to distribute drugs or encourage drug use. InSite is actually harm-reduction geared toward drug addicts who are going to shoot up whether it's safe or not, using whatever is at their disposal: dirty needles, dirty spoons, dirty water. InSite recognizes that not everyone is ready or able to leave an addiction, but everyone deserves life. So, drug addicts are provided with new needles, sterile spoons, and clean water to minimize the spread of disease and infection. Wounds and infections are looked after. Injections are supervised so that, in case of an overdose, nurses are there to save their lives. Addiction counseling and treatment is available.

In the midst of the clients' weakness and addictions and failings, they are treated with love and respect. And, amid the workers' failings and falterings and (at least initial) prejudices or condescension, the clients grow to love and respect the workers. Community is formed.

Meera told many stories of the people she met at Insite, and this was the most moving part. (I won't do them justice, so check out her blog.) They were stories of learning to act with humility and grace. They were stories of gratitude and compassion. They were stories of redemption and recognizing the promise of redemption.

God doesn't wait for us to clean up our act before actively loving us. He is with us at our highest and lowest points of life, and he doesn't cringe away or hesitate to embrace us. God is actively at work at InSite.

I'm not great at being God's hands. I still cringe away and I still hesitate, but now God has shown me this weakness and I need to trust in him to actively love through me. I may never work at InSite, but I'm sure God could use me here in Calgary, at least for the time being.

From the Mouths of Babes

2011-02-05T13:39:00.000-07:00

I was walking through Zellers today, and there was a mom with a little girl. The daughter was about 3 years old. They walked by the lingerie section, and the girl picked up a see-through, lacy negligee and said, "I want one of these for my birthday when I'm 15!" Her mom just about lost it from laughing so hard, and then she said, "Maybe for your 30th birthday."

Resolutions

2011-02-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

I'm generally against New Years Resolutions. I don't think they work. Also, I don't like feeling like I have to make changes to my life. However, now that I don't have to, I think I want to.

The problem is, I can't decide where to start. (Apparently I have a lot of room for improvement.)

Here are some of my potential personal betterments:
- floss teeth daily
- review and improve Russian
- be more diligent with prayer and Bible reading
- relearn basic sign language
- exercise more
- watch less TV
- do some creative writing
- attempt song-writing
- practice and improve guitar skills
- practice piano and improve technique
- crochet mittens and sell them on etsy
- get better at knitting by making a scarf or other simple project
- make a good, healthy dinner more often
- eat leftovers more often and throw food out less
- sew something that I'll actually use
- get back into reading
- drink more water

I'm sure there's more, but this seems like a substantial beginning. My default when I can't make a decision is to do nothing... and/or eat chocolate...so where should I begin?

Breakforth

2011-01-31T17:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I went to Breakforth for the first time.

I went to five sessions. One of the sessions was relatively useless. Two of them were pretty good. Two were excellent.

I also got to go to two of the general assemblies. The first one on Saturday with John Eldridge was great. The second one with Franklin Graham was awful and left me feeling utterly crushed in spirit. Hundreds of people walked out. As much as I would like to rant about Franklin Graham, I think it would be more beneficial to focus on the positive aspects of the conference.

John Eldridge spoke about Jesus' humanity. It was incredible how he made Jesus into a real person, and it just made the Bible come alive! So often we say that Jesus is both fully human and fully God, but the human side gets pushed to the back. We focus on the miracles and the teaching about heaven, and Jesus gets a flat, distant, hazy and often weak character. When John Eldridge spoke, he showed how Jesus was a lively man with a quick sense of humour who liked to play practical jokes on his friends and followers. I want to know this man. I want to hear that voice and see the sparkle in those eyes. I loved it.

I also went to a songwriting seminar with Paul Baloche and Jared Anderson. They talked about how they write songs, played around with new ideas and told stories about themselves and their experiences. They shared about how they started writing music and how their attitude toward their songs has changed. It was all done very humbly and with a great sense of humour. Not tons on information came out of it, but it was very real and accessible. Good stuff.

The other session that I really liked was on intercessory prayer led by Brad Jersak. He's located in Abbotsford, BC, and I had heard him speak a couple of times before. Previously I had heard him speak about listening to God when praying, and it changed the way I pray. This time he was equally thought-inspiring. He talked about, when you are going to pray for someone, picture yourself leading them to Jesus or to the throne of God (basically equivalent since Jesus and the Father are one) and then listen to what Jesus is saying he wants for this person. We can then pray in God's will. When we are worried about something, give it Jesus. When we are angry with someone, take them to Jesus. Our worries and our forgiveness become intercession. I'm a very visual person, so I really connected with this approach. I don't feel like I'm doing this any justice at all. The idea itself is very simple, but I think what struck me was the expectation that Jesus would tell us his will (which is equal to God's will) and the certainty that can bring when we pray. The timing remains unknown, but the prayer is so direct. I don't want to be a vague pray-er who prays in a way that requires no faith and no expectation of an answer or result from God. I think God expects more and is so much more powerful and ready to step in than that, if only we ask.

Hm. Another rather garbled blog post. I hope that made some sense and speaks to you on some level. It made me think.

Memories

2011-01-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

For the last few months, I've been thinking a lot about my kids in Ukraine. I can't help it, really, since if I'm not thinking about them, I'm dreaming about them. The dreams are always almost the same: I'm in some odd location like a hut in Africa or the high school where I graduated, and I look out the window and see one or more of my kids. Sometimes it's one of the kids that I didn't connect with so well, and I try to hide from them. But I always see one of the kids I better connected with, and I open the door and they all run in and hug me, and we have an emotional reunion. Then I wake up and try to calm myself down so I can get back to sleep again. I can't believe it's been close to six years since I left! And I'm not sure why the dreams have started now.

I knew living there would be hard, but I didn't count on leaving them being so hard, too. I didn't connect super well with Ukrainian culture, but I connected with the kids. A few of them had lost both of their parents, but a lot of them had been given up due to poverty or alcoholism. I worry that I added to their feelings of abandonment. Some of them were only 3 years old and really didn't understand where I was going and that I wasn't coming back.

I realized the other day that I need to trust that God doesn't abandon orphans. I could give them love for a year; God can give them love beyond a lifetime.

I also realized that flights are about $2000 right now, so if I ever want to go back, I need to start saving my pennies. :s

Here are a few of the kids I had the honour of meeting:

Alyona was 6 years old but she functioned at the level of a 3 year old because her father beat her. She had permanent bruising on her legs and lots of scars, but she was always smiling and laughing.

I led cooking club every week. The kids who had behaved well or done something special at school were rewarded by getting to bake with me. This time we made chocolate chocolate chip cookies, and I think more ended up on their faces than in their stomachs.

These are 3 brothers - Stas, Kostya and Yura. They were charming little troublemakers. I don't fully recall their story, but I believe their parents left them with us due to issues with poverty.

This is Lida. She was 3 years old. Her parents abandoned her and her baby brother at a train station so authorities brought her to the shelter. Our shelter was for kids aged 3-18 and there are other shelters for babies under 3. Her favourite thing was when we let her pick her own outfits, which usually consisted of striped tights, flowered skirts and polka dot sweaters.

Pilgrimage and Repentence

2011-01-13T19:04:00.000-07:00

Our church is reading Pilgrim's Progress. I'm not a big fan of the book. I don't like the writing style and I find the allegory to be much too blatant. Subtlety is an art, right? Pilgrim's Progress is not subtle.

However...

It does bring up some interesting points. The current controversy is about the part where Christian is with the Interpreter who shows him a man in a cage who has backslid and now his heart is hard so he cannot repent. The basis of this picture is Hebrews 6:4-6:

It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened,

who have tasted the heavenly gift,

who have shared in the Holy Spirit,

who have tasted the goodness of the word of God

and the powers of the coming age and who have fallenaway,

to be brought back to repentance.

To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again

and subjecting him to public disgrace.

There has been a lot of discussion about what these verses mean. Is it really saying that if you have a crisis of faith, you are beyond repentance? I think the answer is "no." Even people who have turned their backs on everything associated with the church can, I believe, come to a place where they repent and find forgiveness. These verses are still troubling.

So, I decided to do some research.

I found this page: http://www.soundofgrace.com/hebrews/h6v04-8.htm. I don't know what these people's credentials are. I didn't look into it at all. However, I'm interested in the variety of opinions presented. One says that this passage is addressing churches in the same way that the church in Ephesus is warned against forgetting its first love in the book of Revelation. Another says that it is warning against giving away your birthright like Esau did. Another says that if you can abandon your faith, then you may have tasted, but you never fully partook. Another says that falling away is impossible because that would mean that God's salvation didn't work, which is impossible. The list of opinions is extensive, and apparently each viewpoint and connection to other passages is irrefutable, undeniable or a fairly easy conclusion.

Any thoughts?

a few of my favourite things

2010-12-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

Things that have been making me happy in the past few weeks:

1. Taking our students crazy carpeting...sort of.

2. Going home for Christmas
We don't all get together very often, so family gatherings are precious. This year my brother has a fiancee, so our family was even more complete than normal. It was a full house, and it was wonderful! I love my family.

I stayed an extra day to clean my dad's office, so I got to visit with some friends and spend some time with my mom. Then, driving home, the trees were frosty and the sun was shining and everything sparkled. It was beautiful!

3. Christmas in Calgary

Since we celebrated as a family a week early, I also got to celebrate Christmas in Calgary. Erin, John and I went to the Christmas Eve service at Brentview Baptist (since Awaken doesn't have our own), and it was perfect. By that I mean that it really wasn't polished at all. There were lots of little hiccups with powerpoint or singers being a little off-key and such, but it was quite traditional and just what I had been hoping for. There were portions of the Christmas story and readings and special music alternating with carols, and it ended with Silent Night and candlelight. I loved it.

On Christmas Day, a few friends and I went to my friend Ed's place. We opened a few presents (crossword puzzle and coffee - it made for a relaxing Sunday morning), made dinner (3 courses - squash soup and salad; chicken, roast beef, potatoes, beets; pear crumble and cream) which was delicious, played games, and had a great time. If I couldn't be with my biological family, I think this was the next best thing.

4. Relaxing Sundays

Since I don't have work next week, I didn't have to do work prep today. I went for a walk around Bowness and listened to some amazing podcasts. I laughed outloud a few times and people gave me strange looks. Oops :s People were skating at Bowness Park, lots of Christmas lights were on, the weather was warm, and it felt really peaceful. I got a few things done around the house, but I could take it at whatever pace I wanted.

Christmas break came right when I needed it. God is good.

Merry Christmas

extended family

2010-12-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

"Knowing God's heart means consistently, radically, and very concretely to announce and reveal that God is love and only love, and that every time fear, isolation, or despair begins to invade the human soul, this is not something that comes from God. This sounds very simple and maybe even trite, but very few people know that they are loved without any conditions or limits." - Henri Nouwen in In the Name of Jesus

I think the fear that there are conditions and limits on love is the hardest insecurity to overcome, and that leads to isolation and despair. God doesn't work that way and, I'm learning, neither do the people that surround me.

My family is celebrating Christmas a week early, so I've been trying to decide what to do on Christmas Day. I'm a proud person, and I worried that people would pity me or think less of me for not having Christmas plans. Instead, I've been surrounded by love. Those who will be out of town have expressed regret that they won't be here for me. My co-workers invited me into their homes. A group of my friends are also "orphans" for Christmas, so we're going to have Orphans' Christmas Dinner together - turkey and all.

Yet again, I've been reminded that there is no reason for isolation and despair. My biological family and my riffraff, mishmash, hodgepodge family both shower me with love and support, and it's a glimpse of perfection. Such joy and peace. I hope that I love others just as well. I think this might be a piece of what the angels knew would come:

“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord...

Glory to God in the highest heaven,

and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

Luke 2:9-11, 14

spelling matters

2010-11-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

Evidence that I may not be doing so well teaching my students how to spell...or maybe the problem is pronunciation:

Q: What did you eat for breakfast today?
A1: I ate noodos.
A2: I ate toes.

a true dilemma

2010-11-24T21:59:00.001-07:00

I have been spiritually lazy for quite some time now. My Bible reading has generally been lax. My prayers have generally been shallow. My thoughts have generally been wandering, and listening is virtually non-existent unless God breaks in, which God does at times.

So, I decided I needed to do some solid reading. But it was way too cold to walk to the library.

Then, I was at my friend Meera's house (see her blog here), and I saw all kinds of great books on her shelf. So, I took a long, long time looking them over and deciding what I wanted to borrow. Finally, I narrowed it down to three solid books. So far, so good.

Then I got home. Which one to start with? I picked up one, then another, then the first, then the third... Finally, I chose one - you can't go wrong with Henri Nouwen. Then I became curious about This Beautiful Mess, so I read the introduction and got a little bit hooked. Today, I decided to start on number three - C.S. Lewis. They're all golden! What am I going to do?

Plus, I just ran across this brilliant website called Christian Classics Ethereal Library that has all kinds of great books online.

Alas, I may never do class prep work again.

random but real

2010-11-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

I was going to just write out my thoughts, but I realized that they're not very cohesive. In a slightly more structured format, here is what I've been thinking about recently.

1. Things that make me happy/thankful for where I'm at in life:
   - my job
     My co-workers and (most of) my students are awesome. They make me laugh on a regular basis, and it's good for my soul. My job can be really challenging, which is good, at least at times. It's also an important job, and it may be selfish, but I like to feel like I'm making a difference in someone's life.
   - surprise compliments
     Various people in various places have complimented me on surprising things this week. Again, maybe selfish, but it does make me happy.
   - snow
     The snow itself really brings be me no joy at all unless I can just look at it from my window. (It is beautiful, I will grudgingly admit.) I was almost late for work today because scraping my windows took WAY longer than expected and everyone was driving really slowly (which I was actually mostly thankful for - no accidents). When I opened my car door, the seal stuck because of ice or something, and so now it hangs loose in my window and I haven't figured out how to fix/replace it yet. (Anyone want to fix it for me or tell me how to do it?) So the snow and cold actually makes me very grouchy. BUT I am very thankful for my nice, warm apartment. And hot tea. And ice cream. Mmmmm. Ice cream almost deserves its own category :)

2. Singlehood
   This is often both the best and worst thing in my life. I like having the freedom to do what I want, but I also worry about it more than I probably should. And it would be nice to have a guy around to do things for me...like shovel the sidewalk and fix the seal on my car door. haha!

3. God's Promises
   This should probably have come first because it's what I thought about first and it's on my mind the most, but it gives the blog nice balance to put it at the end. I get caught up in worries and stressors (see #2), but God won't let me stay there. He breaks into my thoughts and reminds me of his faithfulness. This time, God said,
                                              "I have loved you with an everlasting love."
God is good.

retreating

2010-10-31T19:39:00.000-06:00

This weekend was the annual fall retreat with my church. We go out to Camp Valaqua, ask a speaker to come out and share with us, and enjoy community in a setting removed from the worries and pressures of real life. It's a beautiful thing.

I took the opportunity to go for a bit of a prayer walk. I love how God brings peace and wonder through creation. When I worked at Valaqua, I planned the nature program one summer, so I got to know a lot of the flowers and plants. Now, the flowers are all gone and the leaves have fallen from the trees. At first, everything seemed really drab. This intermission between fall and winter isn't very aesthetically pleasing.

However, upon further examination, some of the flowers that bloom through the summer have now turned to berries, so there are little flashes of red in the underbrush as you walk. I loved it! The dwarf dogwood berries (bunchberries) are fantastically red (and edible, fyi). Anyways, I know it's super nerdy, but it was really exciting for me to see this place that I love and have been to millions of times now in a new stage. God's surprises never end.

The speaker this weekend was talking about how God pursues us and longs for intimacy with us. It's not a new concept; I've heard it before. However, she had this wonderful honesty that made truths new again. I was thinking about how big God is and how much God surprises me and loves me and yet, in many ways, eludes me. This is some of my prayer to God:

God,
My shoulders are tense and my brow is furrowed and I just want to rest in you. Instead, I sit here trying to name things and put them into a form that I can understand. But, in many ways, I don't understand you. Let that be a comfort to me.

You are too big for me to hold down or carry,
too strong for me to confine,
too loving to adhere to my petty demands,
too wise to be baffled by (or answer) all of my questions,
too joyful to buy into my grudges,
too peace-loving to join in my gossip,
too patient to feel burdened by my sarcasm or slighted by my self-made busyness,
too good and kind and hopeful to write me off as a lost cause.

Thank you for being who you are, and help me to rest in your mystery.

Amen.

Fall

2010-10-23T13:23:00.000-06:00

It feels like we had more summer weather in September and October than we did June-August! It's a little painful for me that the weather is getting colder, I have to scrape my windows before driving, and mittens are becoming a part of my morning routine.

However, Thursday was a beautiful day! I wish all the leaves hadn't fallen already or it would have been prettier. I got home from work and decided it was too nice out to stay indoors, so I went for a bike ride in Bowness and Baker Parks and through the paths by the dog park. (I'm not sure if that's part of Baker Park or not, but it's really pretty. Especially the part that runs under the train tracks. Love it!)

A few pictures from my wanderings:

Words

2010-10-11T12:12:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling slightly sheepish after yesterday's post. But also better. I think there's great power in words - for healing or harming, love or hate, comfort, gossip, celebration... (Sidebar - I think that's one reason I love literature. So much truth and revelation in the written word) I used to journal regularly, and I was probably a more balanced person for it. Bottling things up and letting them fester has power, too - to bring stress and to gnaw away at you from the inside.

My words aren't often eloquent, but they have to suffice...usually.

A couple years ago, my friend Meghan lent me a book called Guerrillas of Grace. It's full of beautiful and powerful words. Here's one prayer very fitting for Thanksgiving:

Praise be to you, O Lord, for life
   and for my intense desire to live;
praise be to you for the mystery of love
   and for my intense desire to be a lover;
praise be to you for this day
   and another chance to live and love.

Thank you, Lord,
   for friends who stake their claim in my heart,
   for enemies who disturb my soul and bump my ego,
   for tuba players,
      and story tellers,
         and trapeze troupes.
Thank you, Lord,
   for singers of songs,
   for teachers of songs,
      who help me sing along the way,
...and for listeners.
Thank you, Lord,
   for those who attempt beauty
      rather than curse ugliness,
   for those who take stands
      rather than take polls,
   for those who risk being right
      rather than pandering to be liked,
   for those who do something
      rather than talking about everything.

Lord, grant me grace, then,
and a portion of your spirit
that I may so live
   as to give others cause
      to be thankful for me,
   thankful because I have not forgotten
      how to hope,
         how to laugh,
            how to say, "I'm sorry,"
      how to forgive,
         how to bind up wounds,
            how to dream,
      how to cry,
         how to pray,
      how to love when it is hard,
         and how to dare when it is dangerous.
Undamn me, Lord,
that praise may flow more easily from me
   than wants,
thanks more readily
   than complaints.
Praise be to you, Lord, for life;
praise be to you for another chance to live.

Thanksgiving, eh?

2010-10-10T22:40:00.000-06:00

I haven't been sleeping well for quite some time now. My self-diagnosis is that it's stress related. Finding places to apply where the hours fit and I wouldn't hate working is proving difficult. And now everything seems to be falling apart at the same time. Physical things, I mean.

My winter-appropriate shoes almost have holes in the bottom and I found ones I want to replace them with, but I've been trying to wait until I have the second job to pay for them.

My laptop has a loose wire and while it's not at the critical stage yet, it could get there at any moment.

My printer decided to only work 1/4 time, and it doesn't let me know ahead of time if today will be a cooperative or uncooperative day.

Finally, I came home from my parents' place, put my feet up, turned on the tv...and got a flickering screen which quickly turned to audio and no visual. I can live without tv, but it is a bit of an addiction.

None of these things are in the budget, and it's a tight budget right now. Other things not in the budget: wedding gift, Christmas gifts, coffee dates, new clothes, anything moderately enjoyable...or so it feels.

I'm trying to be thankful for what I have, but it's hard when I'm worried about paying bills/debt/repairs/etc. It feels pretty overwhelming right now. I guess this means no more entertainment spending until I get things sorted out. It probably means no more sleeping either.

Sorry, everyone, for being gloomy.

Things I am thankful for: friends, family, apartment, God (should've come first...oops), farm cats, turkey dinner, feather pillows, gardens and fresh garden veggies, a good book...the list could go on and on and on and on...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Humdrum

2010-09-30T20:47:00.000-06:00

Nothing new is happening in my life right now. It's not boring, per se, but it's the same things as always. Here are a few highlights:

- I have a student from India and every morning he greets me with a very sing-song voice, "Good morning, my teacher!" On Wednesday he forgot the "my teacher" and belatedly mumbled it to himself, so today it was extra loud and extra sing-song.

- In the afternoon, I'm reading Harry Potter with my students. They don't like it very much because it's the hardest book they've ever read, but I'm having fun with it :)

- I bought garlic bread crust pizza, and it's ridiculously garlicky. Not so much a highlight, but notable is the garlic flavour that lasts for hours after ingestion. Delicious as long as you don't need to be close to anyone until the next day.

- The fall colours are amazing! I'm just worried that the leaves are going to fall and the snow is going to come. (brrr) It's too early!

- Finally, these gorgeous kids. They're in my small group this year, so I get to see them every week! Emily calls me Auntie Amy and loves to perform. Shaun Jr. toddles over and cuddles with me. They are fantastic.

Extravagant Love

2010-09-19T21:49:00.001-06:00

The verse Scott explored at Awaken today was "Taste and see that the Lord is good."

It made me think of a movie that we had to watch and write a paper on when I was in Bible college. The movie is called Babette's Feast. The basic premise is that there are two women, sisters, carrying on the Christian tradition in the town. They sing the same songs, eat the same food, help the same people, and lead a serious life of the same traditions every day. Then along comes Babette. She is a poor girl who is taken in by the sisters, wins the lottery, and wants to show her gratitude by giving a banquet to the townspeople.

Babette brings in mad amounts of food from Paris and bakes a feast full of delicacies that the townspeople could never have imagined. As much as they try to remain somber and reject earthly pleasures, the people of the town cannot help but marvel at the banquet. They taste and they see this amazing gift and they cannot hide their delight.

When we come to the communion table, do we come amazed at God's extravagant love? Or do we approach in solemnity? I think there's a place for both, but let's not forget the joy and goodness that God offers - not just at church, but every day. God is spreading a banquet before us. Taste and see!

Job Interviews

2010-09-17T11:24:00.000-06:00

I think the work world may be changing. Or maybe I should say the interview world. I had an interview today for a job that I have no doubt I could do. I found the interview a little baffling.

Things that indicate a change in job interview attitudes:
1. The interviewer was about my age and wearing jeans and a T-shirt. He apologized for his casual attire, but I don't think he really cared.
2. The table was covered in paperwork, iPhone, iPad and MacBook.
3. He hadn't looked at my resume and didn't care about references. In fact, he said, "I don't really care about your resume as long as you're personable." His only real comment about my resume was, "You worked at Starbucks. I guess you need to be personable to work there."
4. He didn't ask me any questions except to clarify my current job and my availability.

The whole thing took about 6 minutes. Mostly it was him shuffling through my resume, pretending to read it, making notes (I'm not sure what about since he didn't ask me any questions) and saying things like, "I should have done this before you got here" and "This job is pretty easy."

The whole thing was based on a first impression. Hopefully it was a good one!

Oh, and the other sign of change: when the interview was over, he gave me his card and told me to call back next week.

[As I was writing this, I realized that future employers sometimes google their potential employees. For example, my brother's girlfriend said she checks applicants' facebook pages before hiring them. I don't think it will happen in this case, but if it does...Hi Chris. No offense intended. :)]

Transitions

2010-09-13T18:53:00.000-06:00

Autumn seems to have come early this year, but maybe that's just because we hardly had a summer. In any case, the leaves are changing and I even managed to find some red in the midst of the usual shades of yellow.

Maybe the transition in seasons will bring some transitions in my life? *cough* second job? *cough*

work

2010-09-06T22:32:00.000-06:00

I need to get a second job.

This is a reality I've been aware of for a long time, and while it may seem that I'm a giant procrastinator, that's not entirely true. I've been doing online searches a lot and keeping my eyes open for "Help Wanted" signs in my neighborhood.

I love my teaching job. Unfortunately, it can support my lifestyle but it can't also pay back my student loans. I feel like now that I have a degree and a "real" job, I shouldn't have to work retail or fast food. That conviction is starting to dwindle.

I was going to apply at a couple of places in Bowness - I even had my resume and cover letter printed out - and then I found out that one of the places isn't hiring anymore and the other is meant to be a kind of stepping stone position where people can learn job skills and then move on to long term employment. Unfortunately for me, in the first case I was not the person hired and in the second (not something I usually complain about) I already have many employable skills. I was also hoping Cadence would be hiring, but they haven't had a sign up in a while.

I would really like to work in Bowness and/or have a somewhat meaningful second job.

Is that too much to ask?

Maybe.

How long do I hold out for what/where I really want/feel led, and when do I cave in and apply at the mall - shudder - God forbid...

Anybody hiring?

Joys of Gardening

2010-08-24T16:10:00.001-06:00

I was walking home from my garden plot a few days ago and I passed some little kids. Apparently the little boy had never seen real vegetables before. Carrots with the green tops still attached? Crazy! The conversation went something like this:

Kid: Where'd you get those?
Me: I pulled them out of the ground in my garden.
Kid (wide-eyed as if I'm a magician): How'd you do that?
Me: [insert explanation here about planting and watering and growing and eating]

Then his sister came over and he was distracted by bicycles and other shiny things. I grew up with the good and less good parts of gardening - weeding and watering, canning and pickling, eating and making jam - so it's still a little shocking to me when kids don't know what fresh vegetables look like. And it made me pretty happy to enlighten one, at least a little bit :)

Random Things Return

2010-08-20T15:05:00.001-06:00

I haven't had any really random things happen to me in a long time...until yesterday.

I moved recently and haven't hooked up internet access yet. I was scamming from a neighbor, but he/she seems to have blocked me :( SO I went to Starbucks to partake of their free wifi. As I sat their using my computer and marking really, really poorly written assignments (a blog entry in its own right), I happened to glance out the window. There, just outside the Starbucks entry, was a man in plaid shorts and a striped shirt with sunglasses on his head pretending to golf. He had no club (probably a good thing) and no golf ball, but he was working really hard at perfecting his golf swing. He'd bend his knees and adjust his stance a little, and then he would put all of his effort into swinging that imaginary golf club. I've heard of air guitar, but air golf was a new one for me. And I wasn't the only one who thought this was odd. People were walking in and out of the store, giving this guy weird looks, but nothing would deter him. After about 10 minutes, he seemed satisfied with himself and walked away.

This morning, I woke up with a slight headache and a tender, golf ball sized bump on the back of my head. Maybe I got hit with an imaginary golf ball in my sleep?

Podcast

2010-08-17T21:05:00.000-06:00

I'm making a half-hearted attempt to spend my time more wisely and fill my mind with more worthwhile information and images. Ultimately I'd like to take a night class just to keep my brain working, but until I can afford that, I'm settling for podcasts. And the occasional book.

I haven't been very faithful in my efforts, but today I listened to a podcast from Mars Hill. It's called A Scorpion and the Egg by Shane Hipps. He examines Luke 11, digging into the obscurity of the pronouns. It reveals the character of God and the importance of asking God for things, partially in a really REALLY grammar geeky way.

And I LOVED it.

Fabulous. Check it out.

2010-08-07T18:27:00.001-06:00

One of my favourite things about teaching ESL is hearing my students' stories. I love learning what life is like in other countries: food, school, childhood games and memories, what is polite or rude, holiday customs, dating and marriage traditions... Hearing their perspectives on their pasts and customs helps me get a glimpse of what their countries are like, and it also helps me get to know them better as individuals. Sometimes it shows how different life is around the world, and sometimes I am struck by how similar all people are, whether good or bad. Friendly, selfish, arrogant, irritating, helpful, brilliant, stereotyping and hilarious people can be found in every corner of the world. I am more and more aware of the stereotypes I hold onto and the challenge it can be to overcome them.

My friend Kathleen posted this video on her blog, and I've decided to steal it for my own. It's one woman's story about the power or danger of a single story, and it's really powerful. If you're going to watch it, be aware that it's pretty long. Let me know what you think.

movie time 2

2010-07-28T16:27:00.002-06:00

I went with Evan, Benjy and Eyk to see Salt last night. I'm not very good at movie reviews (see my post regarding Inception), but here's my best attempt:
In a nutshell, it was awful. So awful. Not so much in a "I can't believe I paid money for that" way, but more in a "I'm so amused by this ridiculousness they're passing off as a movie" kind of way.

Let me start with the music. It was as though they didn't believe the acting and plot would let us know what to think or feel, so they had to make the music really big and obvious. When a "bad guy" came on scene, it was very close to the stereotypical "buh buh buuuuuuuuuh." When it was suspenseful, you had the generic suspenseful music. When it was a touching, romantic or reflective scene, the music got really sappy and...well, you get the idea.

Then there was the acting. Melodrama at its finest. I'm obviously the wrong gender to actually appreciate Angelina Jolie (as a side note, she really didn't look good as a blonde), but still. Her character never really developed, so the guessing game of whether she would turn out to be a "good guy" or "bad guy" wasn't so enthralling. Her acting didn't endear her to the audience. Her emotions were pretty empty, which you could maybe attribute to the plot by saying it was a demonstration of her training as a government agent on how to control herself, but it didn't work. Oh, and when she tried to speak Russian, she didn't roll her R's, which drove me nuts. In terms of the other actors, their characters were all so flat that I don't think they had much to go on. Not so memorable.

I guess the unbelievable acting matched the unbelievable storyline. Unbelievable might be the wrong word. I didn't expect a logical sequence of events. I mean, this was yet another take on the incessant tension between Russia and the USA. The storyline itself could have been a fun twist on an always-popular idea. But so many of the details were just ludicrous. A German arachnologist with full access to North Korea? Really? The slowest countdown to missile launch in world history coming from the White House? Really? The scene in the elevator shaft with Jolie effortlessly jumping around, hardly making a sound and not getting a single bump or bruise? Really? Really?? The list could go on and on and on and on...

A few positive things:
1. The character Orlov did a great job with the Russian accent and language. This makes sense since, in real life, he was born in Poland.
2. Angelina Jolie only took her panties off once, and it wasn't for sex.
3. Um...again, it was a Tuesday so we got free drinks and popcorn.

My rating? I don't think it merits a percentage, so I'll give it a sustained chuckle followed by a solid shake of the head. If you're looking for an action movie, I recommend renting the Bourne trilogy and saving the salt for your popcorn. (See what I did there? I'm pretty proud of that one...)

(Benjy liked it and Evan thought it was okay, so check out their blog for a more balanced viewpoint overall.)

movie time

2010-07-21T19:09:00.001-06:00

Two of my friends, Benjy and Evan, go to a movie every Tuesday, and for the most part they tend to be movies that I don't want to spend twelve bucks on. Last night, however, was the exception. I joined them and a group of friends, and we went to see Inception.

It was a great movie!

I'm not sure how much I can say without giving away important pieces of the plot, but here are a few comments:
- one of the speakers kept cutting in and out, so that was somewhat annoying
- I hadn't been to a movie in a while, so most of the previews were new to me
- it was Tuesday, so we got free drinks and popcorn
- Jeff Lipkewich jumped at the same times at me, which made me laugh
- even years later, I find it a little hard to separate Joseph Gordon-Levitt from his character in 3rd Rock from the Sun, but he was pretty solid
- lots of plot twists
- well-placed humour
- really long, but keeps you interested right to the end

For a better/more detailed review, check out mindlessmoviemarathon.blogspot.com. I'm sure Benjy and/or Evan will post something soon!

dreaming

2010-07-13T07:46:00.000-06:00

Does anyone know anything about dream interpretation? I don't remember most of it, but last night was a weird one...

I'm not sure where I was, but it seemed like a cabin of some kind. Lots of people kept showing up so I made a big pot of rice to feed them. (I think it was supposed to be a potluck, but no one brought any food) Then the pot turned into a toilet and somebody flushed all the rice away and I got really upset because it was supposed to feed lots of people. The toilet was too full of rice, though, and it started to back up. I pulled someone out of the way (pretty violently, I think) so they wouldn't get overflow toilet water on them, but the water just rose to the top and then stopped.

That's all I remember. I think Erin Ramer was in my dream...

Thoughts?

teaching and the learning process

2010-07-12T20:17:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to be a more compassionate teacher. I'm learning more and more every day how impatient I truly am. I currently have students who think they're funny when they're just arrogant, high school kids who groan every time they have to do real work, students that I just can't understand no matter how hard I try...

Today a new student joined my class. His family is here from Croatia on vacation for 2 weeks, so they enrolled him in English school. He is a definite beginner...maybe a pre-beginner, but the beginner class is full so he's in the intermediate conversation class with me. Besides his low level of comprehension and vocabulary making conversation difficult, he is virtually blind, so he can't use textbooks. I tried working 1:1 with him for a while, but I got nowhere. It was suggested to the parents that he would do better with a tutor, but they want him to be in a classroom setting where he can feel accepted in spite of his limitations.

I don't know what to do!

I feel like he's not going to learn anything, and that makes me feel like a failure as a teacher. I want him to feel accepted and challenged, but I think he's just going to feel frustrated. I want to be compassionate, but mostly I feel tired and discouraged.

Anyone have extra energy and optimism you'd like to share?

Basement Dweller

2010-07-11T15:45:00.000-06:00

I spent too much time at home this weekend, and I'm starting to feel a bit like a hermit. Sitting in my basement makes me feel a little lethargic and sluggish. On the up side, it means that I did some cooking and cleaned the bathroom and sorted through a lot of stuff - tossing and recycling and re-organizing - so it should make moving a smoother process.

If anyone wants a TV, kitchen glasses, a green armchair, a toaster, coffee mugs and/or a coffee table, please let me know! Otherwise it'll probably go to a thrift store.

pot and peer pressure

2010-07-06T21:27:00.001-06:00

In elementary, junior high, senior high, and even post-high school, there was peer pressure. At times it was pressure to smoke or drink or drink more or some such thing. I remember one time in grade 9, the teacher stepped out and my fellow classmates decided to urge me to curse someone out by chanting, "Swear! Swear! Swear!" However, I was (am?) stubborn and, very likely, self-righteous, so I didn't obey. And the teacher returned shortly after, so they had to stop. That was a rare occasion. Mostly people knew where I stood and respected my decisions.

Yesterday, for the first time, I was offered pot, and it was surprisingly genial and void of pressure. I was outside talking to my neighbour who sat there happily smoking a joint. Half way through the conversation he decided to be polite. It went like this:
Neighbour: I don't suppose you smoke pot?
Me: No, thanks.
Neighbour: Well, I had to offer.
And then we continued our conversation for a bit before I went home. No pressure. No status gained or lost. Nothing. Growing up is weird.

camping, friends, real life and such

2010-07-04T11:39:00.000-06:00

I went camping this weekend with some fairly old friends. I feel like I'm young enough that my "old friends" should be from childhood, but I met most of these people at college almost 10 years ago. We try to have an annual "We're Still Friends" camping trip, but it hasn't quite become a regular event yet. Half of us live in Alberta and half live in BC. (One person lives in Manitoba, but she's moving to Alberta in the fall, so I'll add her to the Alberta group) Weddings, births and general busy-ness sometimes get in the way, but we do our best.

Initially, I was very excited about camping and seeing everyone again. Then my life became way too busy and I got very grouchy about it. I haven't had a night free in over a month, I think, and I'm starting to get worn out. Packing and meal planning and grocery shopping and such was not a favourable way to spend my spare moments.

Then I drove out to the Faith Retreat Centre at Camp Valaqua on Thursday afternoon and things got much better. I've spent the majority of my summers at camp, and it's a bit of a haven for me. Even though working at camp was often a harrowing experience, I can still drive onto camp property and feel peace/bliss/relaxation wash over me.

I was there for about 15 minutes when others started to arrive, and then I really remembered why we do this. It can be difficult to find time to see long distance friends, but these are people that I can be myself with. Half of them are married and starting to have kids, and it's great to see their lives changing and their families growing. A few of the other girls are still single, and it's great to talk about where we're at and to know that they truly do understand, at least on some level. It's also great to hear new perspectives and experiences and share stories and laugh with each other and catch up on each others' lives...blind dates and April Fools jokes and trolls locked in closets...

Now I'm back to "real life": sitting in Starbucks marking and lesson planning for the upcoming week while the two middle aged men behind me complain about their jobs and drop the F word three times in every sentence. Not quite as relaxing as sitting around a fire or skipping rocks on the river or taking in a nap in a sun-warmed tent.

I've been keeping next weekend open to do some cleaning and packing and sleeping and relaxing and catching up on all those things that I've been neglecting. So far I've been invited to 2 things in Friday, so I'm deciding what to do... I think I need to stick to my plans and take care of myself by being a hermit for a couple days, but we'll see how much discipline I have when the time comes :)

newness

2010-06-23T22:22:00.003-06:00

So, I decided that my blog needed an overhaul, including title. Partly this was a way to procrastinate from other things I should be doing, and partly it was in hopes of being inspired to blog more often.

Also, I've been feeling very introspective lately, and I think this title reflects that more. Simple thoughts. Simple joys. Simple problems that I blow up bigger than they need to be. A move toward simple gratitude.

I guess we'll see.

In any case, it's pretty :)

Simple Things

2010-06-21T22:06:00.007-06:00

When I was working at camp, two of the staff took the words of Menno Simons and turned them into a song. It's been on my mind a lot lately, but I haven't been able to find the original quote for most of it. So, here's the song:

Simple Things
Gracious God, give us a heart for simple things:
Love and laughter, bread and water, tales and dreams.
Fill our lives with green, growing hope.

Make us people of justice whose song is alleluia,
Whose sign is peace and whose name breathes love.

How can we fight our enemies with the sword?
Spears and swords of iron we leave to those
who consider the blood of pigs and humans as well nigh equal.

change

2010-05-04T21:17:00.005-06:00

I find that I long for change, and then it happens and I remember that I don't love it so much after all.

I've been contemplating the idea of a roommate for a long time, but I haven't been able to decide if it's a good idea or not. Partly this is because I'm selfish and I like to have my own space. I like to have my own things and arrange them the way I want them. I like having the freedom to be a slob. However, it's also because I know that I can be a difficult person to live with. I've gotten moody and stubborn in my old(er) age, and I know that's not always roses for the people around me.

I never made up my mind about the roommate thing.

Now I'm being evicted.

Well...I suppose that's the official way of looking at it, but there are no hard feelings on either side. :) My landlords need more space for their family, so they're expanding to the basement.

And now I've approached a few people about living situations, and it's kind of turning into a mess. I was checking my options, and now I'm going to leave someone in a lurch. :( I'm not good at change...and it hasn't even happened yet!